omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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