So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
