So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
