She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
