Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw a hot homeless man
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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