I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
