You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
