Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
