Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
