There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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