I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I came so hard my ears popped.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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