i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
