I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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