Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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