I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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