you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
