I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
