She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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