shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
