Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
