And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
