yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
