did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
