It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
