we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
