you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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