apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No subtext here. People are naked.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
