She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
