I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
