I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
