FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
