i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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