dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
