i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
