Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just pynch a tree in the face
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
