I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
