She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
