anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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