never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
