he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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