just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
