I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
