Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
