I can text with my tongue
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
