Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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