My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
