we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
