He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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