I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
