Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
