Im at strip club and am horny
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's rum buckets o'clock
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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