Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
