Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
