So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
