I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
